You might expect Simone Biles, who is known as the GOAT of Gymnastics to be considered the MVP at the Olympic Trials held this past June. In fact, it was not Simone Biles. Unofficially, it was Beacon, a 4 year old Golden Retriever who was a therapy dog at the trials. There were actually 16 different therapy dogs there but according to the gymnasts, Beacon’s efforts stood out. His soft brown eyes and fluffy fur made him a favorite of the athletes. His owner says that he gravitates to people. She says that “He likes dogs a lot, but he loves people.” She believes he's very good at sensing stress in people. He does that with her, and she’s seen him do it with many other people.
USA Gymnastics has been working hard to prioritize athletes’ emotional wellness which gained significant attention after Simone Biles withdrew from the 2020 Tokyo games due to extreme stress. At the recent Olympics in Paris, Michael Phelps who was a guest commentator since he is now retired, was asked what he is doing these days and he said, “Being a Dad and advocating for Mental Health Issues”. He has also been outspoken on the importance of taking care of your mental health. The athletes have consistently told the Olympic organization that they needed more mental health support, so Beacon and 15 other dogs alternated days and shifts at the US Gymnastics Olympics Trials and used their soft fur and tender eyes to help the athletes deal with stress and anxiety. These are examples of famous athletes who are at the top of their field and have reached the ultimate in success. Yet, they share that they are struggling with their mental health. The vulnerability that these athletes have shown has helped those of us who are not famous acknowledge our own feelings.
Beacon’s success at positively impacting the stress level of the athletes is not accidental. Research has shown that simply petting a dog lowers the stress hormone cortisol, while increasing oxytocin, the hormone that promotes positive feelings. This helps calm people in stressful situations. I think I am more anxious than I thought – It seems that I need three emotional support animals. In my case they are dogs, but I have also learned that there are emotional support peacocks, marmosets, pigs, ducks, horses and even alligators.
Fifteen years ago, the creators of a little animated movie called “Inside Out” were not thinking about the positive impact the movie they were creating would have on mental health. They were focused on creating characters who represented emotions like fear, joy and sadness. Now, fifteen years later, the quotes and characters from the movie are used in schools and by mental health practitioners to be able to relate to people of all ages in discussions about mental health. Their newest character, introduced in Inside Out 2, represents Anxiety which has reached epidemic proportions, especially among young people.
If you need a broad explanation of anxiety, this is one that I relate to: “anxiety is when expectations and reality are too far apart, the mind has a hard time coping”. Let’s be real for a moment. Anxiety can be debilitating, and I encourage any of you to seek help from a professional when needed. However, all of us deal with what I will call minor anxiety at one time or another so I would like to share some of the things that I have learned that I hope are helpful for you.
In addition to traditional forms of stressors such as health problems, financial issues and relationship problems. Modern technology has provided some entirely new sources of anxiety for the present generations. These include:
· 24-hour perpetual connectivity
· the need to multitask across a range of different activities
· Increasing access to catastrophic news alerts and doomsday scenarios.
· The Internet itself fueling fears of identity theft, data hacking, phishing, grooming, and trolling.
The first recognizable social media sites were created in the mid-1990s, so most youngsters under the age of 20 will never have lived without the curse of social media.
Social media use is associated with social anxiety and loneliness and it can generate feelings of disconnectedness when we view what seems like the rich lives and social successes of others. A consequence of social media use is that youngsters count their social success in terms of metrics such as the number of friends they have on sites like Facebook, not the number of genuine confidants they have – confidants who would be true friends in times of difficulty and need.
We are reminded of the value of friends in Proverbs 17 verse 17:
“Friends love you like a sister or brother – they are born to give support during adversity.”
In an article in the Harvard Gazette, Psychologist David. H. Rosmarin discusses a study that looked at the best predictors of emotional wellness among Harvard College students. There was one key factor which accounted for more variance than anything else: “Do they have at least one friend that they can speak to openly about emotional concerns in their life?”
He goes on so state that it’s more than a confidant. All humans have weaknesses, struggles, and strain at times. To the extent that we can be vulnerable, open up to someone, and show them that we’re not perfect, we are, ironically, more likely to have emotional wellness. He adds that this is much harder with the onset of Social Media. The pictures that we present to the rest of the world are so curated and polished. He calls it “impression management”. In addition, there’s much less in-person socialization today. Teens are less likely to go on dates and spend less time with friends. Usually, such interactions need to be in person. We need that hug or at least a pat on the back, then we can open up: “I’m having a hard time. Here’s what I’ve been dealing with recently.”
A friend of mine recently shared the concept of Emotional Support Humans with me. Emotional Support Humans provide both a literal and metaphorical shoulder for others. While we can’t wag our tail, look at people with puppy dog eyes or provide soft fur to touch like Beacon, there are things that we can do to be emotional support humans for others.
Reach out: Emotional support humans reach out in a way that is comfortable for the friend or family member they’re supporting. Sometimes it’s a text or phone call, or the sharing of a funny meme to let a person know you’re thinking of them. Other times, it may be a video call or setting up a time for a visit somewhere their loved one feels comfortable.
Actively listen: Emotional support humans listen to their loved ones and don’t assume what kind of support they need most. It may be that their loved one is experiencing financial hardship and needs help with a bill or getting groceries.
Be informed: Emotional support humans take the time to understand the specific mental health behaviors their loved ones are exhibiting and their symptoms.
Uphold a trusting relationship: Emotional support humans uphold the trust that is being placed in them by the loved one they are supporting, and do not share what that person is going through with others.
Communicate healthy expectations and boundaries: Emotional support humans demonstrate healthy emotional habits and set boundaries. Being an effective helper means emotional support humans also go to therapy, take time for themselves when feeling overwhelmed, and maintain boundaries that allow them to feel present and safe when helping others.
Include loved ones in your life: Emotional support humans include their loved ones in their own plans, which helps their loved one know that their presence is needed and valued.
By now you all have seen my grandson Zayne. He doesn’t seem to be anxious about anything. He talks about planets constantly and doesn’t feel hurt or insulted when his friends get bored with him and walk away while he rambles on about black holes, the moons of Jupiter and the Dwarf Planets. When he played T-ball he didn’t feel pressure to perform but instead, to his parents’ dismay, he loved the way the dust flew when he threw it up in the air while standing in the infield so he did it repeatedly. The monsters under the bed are easily taken care of with a quick squirt of Nana’s monster spray and bad dreams go away with a hug and a stuffie put in his arms.
I hope that it is a long time before he views the world with concern, and I hope that he never loses his passion for the elements of the universe just because others don’t share those interests. I hope that his ears never hear unkind words, and his eyes never see unkind actions.
In reality, I know that he will not escape the evils of the world but when he encounters the worst of the world, I hope that he has his own tribe of emotional support people… and animals.
Emotional Support Humans pass through our lives without warning or notice. These people are wonderful gifts to our lives. We should say, 'I love you.' without embarrassment. Just saying the words frees our souls to accept the fact that we are loved in return.
I like to remember that I am an Emotional Support Human to people and animals that live around me and I hope you are willing to be one as well – this is our gift to humanity.
I love this quote by Shonda Rimes, “You are not alone. You are seen. I am with you. You are not alone.” May we all be willing to BE someone’s person, because emotional support is vital to our life.
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