What is love, actually? We use the same word love for all of the types of love. There is romantic love between two people, there is family love, there is love we have for our jobs, or our passion, our friends, and our pets, and we even love strangers.
Sometimes loving others is easy — often it’s not. We usually don’t have enough patience to do it well. And then there is that selfish part of us that doesn’t really want to be inconvenienced.
Love is a basic word that gets used a lot, and yet, I am not sure we really know what it means or how to do it well.
You have heard me say many times, that we don’t get enough training in how to love in our culture. We are just expected to know how to do it, to bump and roll along trying to figure it out as we go.
A group of professional adults posed this question to a group of 4-8 year olds, “what does love mean?” The answers they got were broader, deeper and more profound than anyone could have ever imagined!
Rebecca, age 8 said, “When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore…So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”
Billy, age 4: “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”
My personal favorite, from Danny, age 8:
“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure that tastes OK.”
When people get into discussions about love, we often hear the words unconditional or conditional love. You know what conditional love is — you do this, and I’ll do that. You don’t do this, then I am not likely to do that.
Unconditional love is best defined by the word agape. Agape is the word that is often used to describe the love that God has for us.
According to Sir John Templeton, “Agape love is pure love unlimited in its possibilities. Agape love is altruistic love, love that is given for its own sake, without expecting anything in return.” ~ Sir John Templeton
Each of the major world religions has its own unique perspective on what agape love is, and how it is to be played out on the world stage. Among the greatest legacies of Judaism has been its focus on fulfilling responsibilities and duties. When other people are in need, we are commanded to come to their aid, even if we don’t want to. Agape is central to the core of Judaism. Love of God means loving oneself and others.
In Christianity, we find several images of agape love. The clearest one is the notion that God cares for us like a Shepard cares for his sheep. If even one sheep has gone astray and is lost, the Shepherd searches for it and returns it to the fold. No matter how dark or cold the night is, the Shepard searches until the lost sheep is found. Such is the enormity of God’s love for us.
In the Islamic context, we encounter the call to agape love wrapped in mercy and compassion, with over 190 references to God’s mercy and compassion in the Qur’an.
The religion of Buddhism was born out of agape, out of a willingness to sacrifice on behalf of the suffering people of the world.
Finally, according to the religion of Confucianism, agape is found in a concept called “jen,” which is translated as virtue, goodness, charity or love. Confucianists believe that all forms of love are inseparable, and there is a relationship between the way we treat our families and the way we treat our neighbors.
Agape love is active love, love that reaches out to others. Agape love is joyful love — offered not out of obligation, but in a spirit of compassion and hope.
A four-year-old boy lived next door to an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, stood next to him and held his hand. When his mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, ‘Nothing. I just helped him cry.’”
What a beautiful example of love, actually.
The clearest description of agape love — love for all humanity — that I have read is found in these words written by author C W Newman:
“Love is not a feeling; love itself is an action. Love is the willing giving of self to another living being. Love is giving the life, time, energy, and resources that we would normally give or use for ourself to someone else. Love is an action that enhances the well-being of another living being.” — CW Newman
Two years ago, I found myself suddenly stranded with car trouble. I had pulled into a gas station, and after I filled up the tank, I was unable to start my car. The horn was honking, I was frustrated, and I was a bit embarrassed that I couldn’t get the horn to stop. No amount of pressing the button on my remote silenced the car. I walked into the Speedway and went up to the counter where two teenage guys were working. Not really certain that they were the people I should be addressing, I blurted out — “Hey guys, I am so sorry, I’m blocking the pump, I can’t get the horn to stop honking. I think it’s signaling that something is wrong with the engine, because I can’t start my car. Do either of you know anything about cars?
The kid on the right looked off to his left, as though something off in the distance was suddenly important. The other kid said, “Sure, I think I can help you.” And with that, he locked his register, and came around the counter and walked with me out to my car. The opposite reactions of the guys fascinated me. The silent one, who simply looked away from me as though my plight didn’t matter juxtaposed against the kindness and compassion and willingness to help me from the other guy. The one who chose to help me, kind of looked out for me. He kept reassuring me that he would be there to help, and if he couldn’t fix it, I could
come back into the store to warm up. As it turned out I called a tow truck, and that young man kept a watchful eye on me throughout the hour-long adventure. When I went back into the store to warm up after awhile, he came over and offered me some coffee. Asked if there was anything he could do for me while I waited. When I was ready to leave, I went back in and thanked him again for his kindness and compassion. I told his manager to give him a raise.
I left the Speedway gas station with a renewed belief in people, and in our capacity to offer help and to love each other. Even strangers. Sometimes we struggle to see God, or to find God in our everyday lives, or to believe that people can be good and kind. The Bible reminds us that:
“No one has ever seen God. Yet if we love one another, God dwells in us, and God’s love is brought to perfection in us.” I John 4:12 (The Inclusive Bible)
I don’t know this young man’s name. He doesn’t know mine. We were complete strangers. But he was the picture of agape love. He understood that I needed help, and he didn’t look away. He helped me. What a beautiful example of love, actually.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the power of romantic love this morning. We all know what happens to us when we fall in love. When we find that person who adores us, who looks at us in a way that no one else does, we feel a certainty and an unusual peace. Loving someone and being loved that way heals us, steadies us. When someone adores us, we grow up. We gather strength from being loved and loving. We fill up with hope. We are not alone facing the world. I think it’s easier to believe in God’s love when we have received that kind of love, because we know how it changed us.
Author Bruce Coville wrote these words about the power of love:
“Nothing you love is lost. Not really. Things, people — they always go away, sooner or later. You can’t hold them, any more than you can hold moonlight. But if they’ve touched you, if they’re inside you, then they’re still yours. The only things you ever really have are the ones you hold inside your heart.” — Bruce Coville
What a beautiful explanation of love, actually. Amen.
Writer, Zora Neale Hurston, penned these powerful words:
“Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.” — Zora Neale Hurston
What a beautiful description of love, actually. My friends, let’s celebrate the power of love this month. Let’s practice loving each other — our friends, families, neighbors and even strangers. We all need some love.
Comments