What do Post-it Notes, Coca-Cola, and Liquid Paper all have in common? Mistakes.
Post-it Notes were created because a scientist didn’t get the stickiness of the glue quite right. Coke was meant to be a medicinal tonic. Liquid Paper was invented, in her kitchen, by a typist who wasn’t very good at typing. Fun fact — that typist was Bette Nesmith Graham— mother of one of the members of the Monkees Band from the 60’s, Mike Nesmith.
We have all made errors — errors due to clumsiness, not paying attention to detail, lack of judgment or lack of experience. Some errors or mistakes are no big deal, while some of our mistakes or bad behavior have been costly, and much harder to forgive or ignore.
In the Bible we find this verse as an acknowledgment that we all mess up from time to time:
“All of us, like sheep have gone astray; each of us goes our own way.” — Isaiah 53:6
In other words, we’re all like sheep who’ve wandered off and gotten lost. We’ve all done our own thing, gone our own way. We have all had moments when we placed ourselves above everyone else. Sometimes that resulted in a bad mistake. Sometimes that resulted in bad behavior. We have ALL made mistakes, and we have all exhibited bad behavior on occasion.
NONE of us wish for those moments to define us. — to be the memory that remains in someone’s heart and mind.
The truth of the matter is that we often struggle to move past our mistakes. We often struggle to handle the mistakes that are committed by other people. One of our favorite things to do is to replay our mistakes OVER and OVER. Kicking ourselves in the process. Why did I do that? That was so dumb. I just wasn’t thinking.
We are also profoundly inconvenienced by the mistakes that we make — and those mistakes and bad behaviors by others. We are tempted to forget all of the good that we ever saw in someone when they show us that they are not perfect. We want to strike everything we ever thought about them out of our heads and allow only this last costly error to be the headline of their life.
Perhaps the best approach to handling mistakes made by others is to figure out how to criticize the mistake and not the person.
Former US Ambassador to Poland, Georgette Mosbacher states: “Just because you make a mistake doesn’t mean you are a mistake.” — Georgette Mosbacher
Attacking another person because of their error will only create frustration, resentment, and hiding. The next time something goes wrong, they will be certain to hide it from you. When people mess up, they usually already feel bad. Rubbing salt in their wounds gains nothing.
When the mistakes of others impact our lives, it’s best to try to work with the individual who created the problem. Perhaps the two of you can work together to solve the problem. As Bryan Baeumler, a Canadian television host known for home renovations stated:
“I believe making mistakes, recognizing them, and finding a solution is the best way to really learn and understand what it is you're doing.” — Bryan Baeumler
As we work together to fix the problem, it’s best to focus on the cause instead of the problem. That helps the solving process to diminish blame and allows freer thinking about putting into place systems and techniques that can help eliminate the cause of the error.
Ultimately, if we can recognize and accept that it is from our errors, our bad behavior, and our mistakes, that we learn and grow, we can reframe how we view and manage mistakes. There is never failure, only learning. When we focus on learning from mistakes, growth is accelerated.
Another fun fact about Liquid Paper. Because she was a poor typist, Bette Nesmith became a millionaire. Her business began in her home, and several years later, she sold her company to Gillette for 47 million dollars. Now that is some significant growth.
When we mess up, we know we will disappoint others. We know that there might be repercussions. How people respond to us when we have made a mistake makes a difference in how we recover and move on.
Rachel Dawson shares her story:
I made a mistake. It was a work task. There were a lot of details involved in it, and I had clear marching orders, and, I messed up. The details of the task aren’t the point. It’s my mistake, and how it made me feel, and what the response to it was, and what I did with all of it. I’m sure you can imagine the sinking gut feeling of realizing you did something wrong. the instant racing of your heart, sweaty palms, sick to your stomach ache. it’s an awful feeling.
I picked up the phone with shaky hands to call my boss and explain what had happened and where I had gone wrong. I anticipated disappointment, frustration, and even anger, and braced myself for some kind of scolding or punishment.
But what did I get?
I got “You’re forgiven.” and “Good things are going to come from this!” and “It’s okay, this isn’t a big deal, and there actually could be some real wins here.”
I heard "Mistakes happen, take a deep breath, it’s going to be okay.” and “We are in this together.”
I heard Grace, grace, and more grace.
My heart rate calmed down. I started to see a bigger picture emerge. I had messed up, and I had to own that. And I did. I apologized, and I have to work to make it right, but I also realized a deeper truth in all of it — a beautiful lesson that I’m grateful to learn — again.
I want to be the kind of person who responds like that too. I want to be able to extend grace when others mess up. I want to be able to forgive them and be kind and compassionate towards them. And then I realized something else. I want to be that kind of person toward myself, too. I want to forgive myself and be kind and compassionate to myself as well, when I mess up.
The lifestyle of the Babemba tribe in South Africa was featured several years ago in a TV documentary on Apartheid. Within that community, antisocial or criminal behavior is rare. However, when it does occur, the Babemba have an interesting and beautifully creative way of dealing with it …
If a member of the tribe acts irresponsibly, he or she is placed at the center of the village. Work stops, and every man, woman, and child in the village gathers around the accused in a large circle. Then, one at a time, everyone, including the children, calls out all the good things the person in the center of the ring has done previously. All the positive attributes and the kind acts are recited carefully and at length. No one is permitted to exaggerate or be facetious. It’s serious business!
The ceremony often lasts for several days and doesn’t stop until everyone is drained of every positive comment he or she can muster about the transgressor. Not one word of criticism concerning the accused’s irresponsible, antisocial deed is permitted.
At the end, the tribal circle breaks up, a joyous celebration begins, and he or she is welcomed back into the community. This overwhelming, positive bombardment strengthens the self-esteem of the accused and causes that person to resolve to live up to the expectations of the tribe. Proof of the success of this creative response to wrongdoing seems evident in the fact that these ceremonies are quite rare. One wonders if, perhaps, borrowing from this technique might be a good idea, at least in certain family situations in which a member has gone astray.
My friends, I am not suggesting that we just hug it out, and ignore rule-breaking and social conventions and expectations. But I am suggesting that we try to apply grace to the situation. To any situation.To every situation.
For me, the best way to accept the errors and misbehaviors of other people is to remember the Golden Rule. We have all made most of the mistakes that others commit. Let’s try to treat others the same way we would like to be treated. Amen.
I think the best way to close this service today is with this realization from Malcolm Forbes, who was an American entrepreneur and publisher of Forbes Magazine:
“Making mistakes is human. Repeating ‘em is too.” — Malcolm Forbes
So let’s go easy on ourselves. We are all human, and we will continue to make mistakes. Let’s give ourselves AND others some grace.
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