“What’s on your mind today?” She asked,
“Oh, you know,” I said, “the usual mix”
“Anything I can do? She asked,
“I know loneliness can be tough.”
And thanking her, I shook my head,
“Your being here’s enough.”
So wrote Andy Calloway in his poem, “Being Here.”
We are living in a very lonely time. People of all ages are lonely, from teens to the elderly. People who live in big cities are lonely — people who live in rural areas are lonely. Loneliness is now a public health issue with real physical health effects. In 2017, the Harvard Business Review wrote a cover story entitled “Work and the Loneliness Epidemic” in which former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy declared that “The world is suffering from an epidemic of loneliness.” — Surgeon General Vivek Murthy
On May 1, 2018, the global health service company Cigna, released results from a national survey exploring the impact of loneliness in the United States. The end result of the survey, was that most American adults are considered lonely. Here are two of their alarming findings after surveying more that 20,000 US adults ages 18 and older:
Nearly half of Americans report feeling alone or left out some of the time or all of the time
Only half of Americans have meaningful in-person social interactions on a daily basis.
And THAT was before the pandemic. Today’s statistics are even more alarming.
If you are feeling lonely today……you are not alone in that feeling.
In fact, Paula Stokes writes: “There’s nothing abnormal about loneliness.” —Paula Stokes
Loneliness is normal. Everyone goes through lonely periods in their life. Feeling lonely doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
Well, I think we can all agree that our culture has become increasingly more impersonal. Often customer service is about speed and not about people. Words are exchanged minimally and infrequently. We spend less and less time with people outside of our homes. We spend less and less time talking with people inside of our homes.
An interesting finding that came from the Cigna survey was that the age group of Americans who felt more connected to others and would be viewed as the least lonely of all the ages is what they call the Greatest Generation — people who are aged 72 and older. I think this Greatest Generation makes it a point to meet with people face to face.
Throughout my lifetime, I have been a people-watcher. And I have noticed a change in how people wait in public areas - the doctor’s office, the vet’s office, the voting area, the BMV, the drugstore — while people are waiting on the service to be performed or waiting for their name to be called, people generally sit silently looking at screens — usually on their phones, or listening to music with ear buds.
Both of those are isolating activities in the midst of people. Now granted, the people gathered together might be strangers, but not so very long ago, in settings like these, people used to strike up conversations with each other to pass the time. I remember very fondly one day where about fifty of us were in a Disney-like line for at least an hour at a Florida BMV. As we moved through the line together, total strangers, we talked and laughed and told each other stories and by the end of the hour we were all singing together. Ah, those were the days.
One important point of differentiation is being alone and feeling alone. Often we are comfortable being alone — and sometimes it is welcomed. When we parent a young child we start thinking we will never have more than five minutes to ourselves again.
Being alone is sometimes the best way to spend some time — reflecting, praying, But feeling alone is quite different. We can feel alone whether we are actually alone, or in the midst of a crowd of people. Feeling alone while with others is the most complicated feeling of emptiness.
We once had a dog named Bailey. She was a Golden Retriever, who was filled with love and huge separation anxiety. When Marcie left the house for work in the morning, Bailey howled. Not just one short or even one long howl. The sound was a several-seconds-long cry, laden with sadness and anxiety, love and loss. How did I know how that sounded? Because I was upstairs in my office, listening to it. Marcie left the house, and Bailey felt completely isolated, devastated and alone in the world. I was in the same house, under the same roof, filled with love for Bailey, and yet, she had forgotten that I was there.
I would call to her when the wailing begins. She couldn’t hear me, because she was so deeply sad. I would call again — “Bailey — I’m right here. Come here.”Once she heard me, she stopped mid-howl. Depending on her level of awareness or embarrassment she might come bounding up the stairs to see me, or she might just lie down where she was….on the kitchen floor, with I suspect, an inner smile because she has been reminded that she is not alone.
And isn’t that each of us, when we feel completely on our own? Yet, in the book of Hebrews, God promises each of us: “I will never leave you or forsake you.”— Hebrews 13:5
God is still right there with us, loving us, but in our sorrow and loneliness, we forget. And then, like Bailey, once we remember, we feel God’s presence all over again, and we lie down right where we are, with that inner smile, or we go bounding off with new energy.
In addition to recognizing that God is with us, one of the best remedies for loneliness is to HELP OTHERS.
Helping others takes us out of ourselves and reinforces the value of each person in this world. A person is helped, you feel better because you have stopped focusing on yourself, and the world is more beautiful.
We need to be alert and to watch for others who might be also feeling lonely. I once worked at a school where one of the male teachers always stayed after, for a long time. Even on a Friday, he was in his room, long after the students had left the building, at his desk, working, shuffling papers. One evening after I had observed this behavior for several weeks, I stopped by his room as I was leaving, I asked him if he was ok. He said “Sure — I’m fine. As long as I’m here, I don’t have to go home to my empty house.” I stood and talked with him for awhile and we became good friends over time.
We never know the burdens that people carry. Some of the people who enter our building on Sunday morning might be terribly lonely. They would love to sit with someone. They might not feel comfortable asking. Speak to them. Invite them to sit at your table. You might make a new friendship. You have most certainly given that person hope.
Another remedy for loneliness is to GET A PET. A pet is someone who will love you instantly, someone whose needs you must think about. A pet offers us unconditional love and companionship.
Our dog, Bo, is definitely a source of companionship for us. He follows us all around the house, protects us from the squirrels and birds in his yard, and reminds us when it’s time to take him for a walk.
We talk to him all day long. The most commonly spoken sentences in our house are now — “What did you say?”
“Oh, I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to Bo.
Bo goes to work with me every day — in my home office. He sleeps in his bed, in my office, and he is always the first to hear my Sunday message. Usually he agrees with my points but I have to be honest —on occasion he gets up and leaves.
Finally, a great way to overcome loneliness is to
SAY YES TO MORE INVITATIONS — People who are isolated have often become so used to saying no to invitations, that saying yes is uncomfortable. It’s easier to say no. And remain isolated. Take a chance. Let’s say yes to an opportunity to gather with friends. Let’s say yes to a chance to talk with a stranger. We never know what the result might bring to our lives.
We are all hard-wired for connection. When we don’t have it, we miss out on joy, and companionship and the comfort of others. According to Martha Beck,
“Loneliness is proof that your innate search for connection is intact.” — Martha Beck
If you are feeling lonely today, I want you to know that you are surrounded by a loving community of people here at EntryPoint who want to help you and care for you. We are hopeful that you will return and become an integral part of this faith community. So, recognize that God is always with you, consider getting a pet, help others, and try to say yes to more of the invitations that are extended to you. Amen.
So, what’s the bottom line today? First of all, know that we all have bouts of loneliness. That doesn’t make us pitiful people. But when we are feeling lonely, we can reach out to others. We can also watch for loneliness in others, and try to help them feel better. My friends, try to remember that God is there for each one of us, loving us and guiding us on our journey. We are never alone.
Gail Honeyman reminds us that “We can all fight against loneliness by engaging in random acts of kindness.” — Gail Honeyman
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