Today, we are investigating different personalities, and how our personalities impact our relationships. By personality, I mean this:
“Personality is the distinctive patterns of behavior that characterize each individual enduringly.” — Walter Mischel
I have always been interested in the various types of personalities and how they do or don’t get along with each other. I have always wondered why some people are extroverts and others are introverts. Every chance I have had throughout my life, I have taken any personality test that crops up online, or otherwise. I am an ENFJ, if you are familiar with Meyers Briggs. I am a red in some tests, a blue in others, a creative in another test, and a helper in another.
But today my friends, I am going to walk you through an analysis of four different personality temperaments that will help you to see your family and friends in a clearer light. It will help you to see yourself a little differently as well. The theory of four primary personality types or temperaments can be traced back to Ancient Greece. Hippocrates first mentioned them. As I talk about each of the four temperaments, or personality types, I will discuss the strengths and the weaknesses of each type. I will also mention a goal for each of the temperaments. Feel free to take notes if you wish, there will be a test next Sunday.
The first temperament is called sanguine. Sanguine is actually the color blood-red, and it means to be optimistic or positive, especially in a difficult situation.
The goal for sanguines is FUN. Whatever is going on in life, for the sanguines among us, things need to eventually become fun, or they are not happy. Sanguines have many strengths: they are the entertainers, joke-tellers, funny people in our lives. They are extroverted and sociable, creative, optimistic, and charming. They are child-like, energetic, talkative, and often inspiring. Those are the strengths.
Here are their weaknesses: their delightful child-like whimsy can degenerate into just plain childish behavior. They are prone to pouting when things are no longer fun. They seek attention. They often lose track of time, so they are often late. But when they arrive late, it doesn’t matter, because they are so charming, everyone forgives them. Sometimes their energy is overwhelming and too loud. Other personality types are left wondering if they ever take anything seriously.
Sanguines are wonderful humans. They are great to have around, especially when you are bored or lonely. Sanguines will brighten up your day if they are functioning with their strengths and not their weaknesses.
Some of you remember the song My Melancholy Baby. That will help you to get into our second personality type or temperament: Melancholic, which means sadness. Now, I am not about to build an entire personality trait on sadness or depression, so hear me when I say this. The reason melancholics are sad, is because they live in an imperfect world with imperfect people, and that is very hard on them. Their goal is PERFECTION.
Melancholics have remarkable strengths. They are brilliant, analytical people with incredibly high standards. They are the company CEO’s, researchers, bankers, spread-sheet experts and the most organized people you will ever meet. Their attention to detail is impeccable. They are perfectionists. Melancholics finish every single task they start, and they do it thoroughly.
No slapping something together from them. Melancholics are the intellectual back bone of our culture.
Here are their weaknesses: the high standards they set for themselves often become standards they set for everyone else as well — thus making it difficult to please them much of the time. They are prone to depression because of the imperfection of this life. Melancholics are more pessimistic, more prone to disappointment and anger, and less patient with other personality types.
I once worked for a high school principal who was a melancholic. I observed him walk into the band room one day right after the band had won a large trophy for a competition. The band director had invited the principal to see the trophy. The principal walked up to the card table upon which the trophy stood, looked at it. Looked down at the carpet beneath the table, and said, “You need to get that stain cleaned up there. It looks like somebody spilled a soft drink.” Then he turned and exited the band room.
The third personality temperament is choleric, which certainly sounds like a disease. The word choleric means bad-tempered or irritable. And soon you will see why. But let’s start with the strengths first.
Cholerics are driven, goal-oriented, motivated, confident, energized, successful individuals who are the best leaders in any avenue. People trust them, follow them, and believe them. They are the change-agents, the big-picture thinkers and the innovators of our world. They know human nature, and therefore they can easily persuade others. Cholerics are natural-born leaders who are honest, reliable and hard-working.
Now to the weaknesses, which is where the bad-tempered part of the definition comes in.
Because the goal of a choleric is CONTROL, they often dominate others without regard to their feelings. Cholerics are often quick-tempered or irritable when others do not follow their lead. Cholerics can seem arrogant, overbearing and manipulative. Cholerics are often impatient and stubborn. Sometimes their desire for control turns them into power-hungry control freaks that are very stressful for others to be around.
The fourth temperament is called Phlegmatic, which also sounds like a disease. The word phlegmatic actually means having an unemotional, calm disposition. And boy do the phlegmatic have that nailed. The goal for the phlegmatic personality is PEACE.
So, they do all that they can to seek and find peace in their lives. The strengths of phlegmatic lie in their easygoing nature. They are the best of your friends, they are loyal, empathetic, dependable and the most patient of all of the temperaments. They never disagree, they don’t push their own agenda, and they will not find fault in others. They accept and love without condition. They are excellent listeners.
They sound perfect, don’t they, my melancholic friends.
Except, phlegmatics have weaknesses as well. Because they seek peace, they often indulge in the most peaceful state known to humans, which is, well, sleep. They sleep a lot. Phlegmatics may appear to show little emotion, since they are feeling calm and peace, and that can sometimes appear to be unfeeling or disengaged in social interactions. Because phlegmatics want to avoid conflict at any cost, they don’t advocate for themselves. They are indecisive, preferring to allow others to make all of the decisions. They are prone to laziness and last-minute action.
As I said earlier, phlegmatic are excellent listeners, so when you want someone to talk to, call on your phlegmatic friend. However, don’t expect them to give you advice. After pouring out your heart, if you ask them what they think you should do, I guarantee their response will be …..um…..I don’t know. I guess you should do whatever you think is best.
So that’s the four temperaments. By now, you have probably identified yourself and others in your lives. Before we go any further, I need to tell you that many people are a blend of two of these temperaments. And within the four temperaments, there are two pairs that seek each other out. Sanguines and Melancholics are often married or friends. The sanguine brings levity and humor to the melancholic who struggles with finding reasons to laugh. The melancholic provides standards and grounds the flighty sanguine.
In like manner, the choleric and the phlegmatic are often found in pairs. They are the answer to each other’s dream. The choleric guides and decides for the phlegmatic, who models a gentler life for the choleric.
So why do I give you this information today? Partly because I want you to know yourself better. There is no right or wrong, good or bad to any of these four temperaments. And I want us all to choose to focus on the strengths of our personality and do our best to reduce the weaknesses within us. Whatever the case, my friends, know yourself, be yourself and love yourself.
Now it’s time for a quick snapshot of the four personality temperaments. Take a look at the program, and notice the error. The sanguine looks at the program and laughs. The melancholic shakes her head in despair and grumbles about the lack of attention to detail. The choleric comes up to me and wants to know why I didn’t go back to the print shop and demand that they fix the problem, and the phlegmatic just shrugs and says — oh…I didn’t notice that….but it’s okay.
I have taught the four personality temperaments to every high school class I have ever taught, because I believe that this information helps us. At the end of one class many years ago, one of my students remained in her seat softly crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she looked up at the board where I had written the notes as I spoke, and she said, “I am the weakness of every single personality. I don’t have any of the strengths.”
I smiled at her and said, “Well, now you know what you need to work on.”
The final reason I wanted to present this information today, is because there is something we all need to work on, and it’s not just about our own personality, it’s about learning to accept and live with and work with all of the other temperaments. We need to be knowledgeable enough to not punish others for their personality temperament, but rather to work with what we know. That applies to everyone we interact with, but especially with our children and grand-children. As children are developing their identity, developing their personality is part of that. May we help children and adults to truly become their best self.
Let’s take a moment and pray together:
Dear God,
We know that we are different from each other, but we also know that the world needs our diversity. May we become better at accepting and loving those who are different from us — different physically, racially, ethically, spiritually, and even in personality. Help us to be more understanding, more patient, more compassionate, and less judgmental and angry. May we look at those in our lives with new information today. May we seek to help and not hurt them. Accept and not blame them. We thank you today, God, for the lives that we have, and for our different personalities. Amen.
My friends, let’s appreciate the humor and creativity of the sanguine, and then try to help them stay on task and on time. Let’s appreciate the high standards of the melancholic, but then try to help them accept that we are all not perfect.
Let’s appreciate the drive and leadership of our choleric people, and be patient and diplomatic in our interactions with them. Let’s give them space to cool down. And finally, let’s appreciate the beautifully calm phlegmatics in our lives. May we embrace their loyalty as we encourage them in small steps to make plans and to advocate for themselves.
One of my favorite passages in the Bible is found in Romans — “Do all you can to be at peace with everyone.” — Romans 12:18
May we use our new understanding of the differences between us to be at peace with everyone. Amen.
South African bishop, theologian, and human rights activist, Desmond Tutu wrote these powerful words:
“My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.” — Desmond Tutu
I happen to believe that part of being human together is accepting our diverse personalities and maximizing how to get along.
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