Hurricane Milton made landfall on the western part of the Florida peninsula on Wednesday, October 9. This hurricane lashed Florida’s Gulf Coast with flooding rain and winds of 120 miles per hour that left homes — and, in some cases, full neighborhoods — drenched, muddied, and dilapidated.
As we all know, after a hurricane has passed, people who own damaged homes need to begin the cleanup and recovery process. In some cases, people need to repair, or completely rebuild their homes.
We may not have experienced a natural disaster like Hurricane Milton, but I am certain that each of us has experienced an occasion in which we needed to rebuild our lives. When we recover from an illness or injury, we need to rebuild our strength and our physical bodies. When relationships end, we need to rebuild who we are and how we identify ourselves. When we change careers or retire, we rebuild our worldview and reframe how we spend our time.
When we lose anything — a person, a relationship, an activity, or our physical stamina, we are forced to rebuild our lives, just as though we have gone through a category 4 Hurricane.
When I was a young girl, age 7 or 8, I remember my Sunday School teacher talking about widows. She was talking about a story in the Bible and she taught us the words widow and widower. At first, I thought she was trying to say window until I figured it out.
Then she read this verse to us: “Take care of any widow who has no one else to care for her.” — I Timothy 5:3
This is a rather interesting verse for young children to study, but that verse stuck with me throughout my childhood. As I was growing up, anytime I heard anyone talk about widows, I wondered if they were being taken care of properly.
Those who have lost spouses — widows, and widowers, are certainly in a club that no one wants to join, and they are certainly a group of people who must go through a major rebuilding of their lives.
What was once prepared for two, is now prepared for one. What was once planned for two is now planned for one. Two tickets become one. An empty seat is always present. This also happens, of course, in cases of divorce.
Another group of rebuilders that I think often about are those individuals who are in recovery from addiction. A massive rebuilding must take place in their lives as well — new friends, new choices, new ways to spend time, and lots of loss.
So how do we rebuild our lives? When we are broken, we initially seek solace, comfort, and sympathy from others. We feel as though our world has come to an end. Then there comes a moment when we look around, recognize that we need to do something, and take the first step.
If we can begin to move through our new journey putting the pieces back together, we will end up stronger than before. In most cases, although we need support and encouragement from our friends, the rebuilding must be done all by ourselves. If we can rebuild our lives on our own, we will be more resilient, stronger, and more stable.
The first step we must take when rebuilding our lives is to feel the feelings. Our culture tends to deny negative emotions and run away from them. But we need to embrace our emotions. If we try to ignore them, they will just get pushed aside, only to come back and haunt us later, thus hindering our rebuilding process. When we are sad, we need to cry.
Letting the emotions out, instead of dodging them gets us started on our rebuild. It is crucially important that we take time to grieve and process the changes that have happened to us. We grieve NOT just for the loss of a person, we grieve the loss of our former life — the life that we were comfortable with, the life we were accustomed to living.
Next, some people might have ideas and advice for what we should do next. In many cases, we don’t need to listen to them. We especially don’t need to listen to the negative comments or the people who want us to stay stuck in the past.
Along the journey of rebuilding, we are best served if we continue to remember that we are part of others. We need to show compassion whenever possible. There will be others around us who are also broken, hurting, and unstable. Offering them compassion has a healing effect on our brokenness, and can even get us out of our darkness in a magical way. We may also find ourselves in the company of some very meaningful people.
Every now and then, as we are rebuilding, we need to practice self-care. We might need to treat ourselves — to a weekend away, or to a massage, or some other salon service. We might need to go to see a movie, order some delicious food, or enjoy our favorite dessert. Sometimes the very best way to hold ourselves up in the most challenging times is to love and treat ourselves in the best way.
Finally, when we have realized the areas of our lives that require transformation, we need to go slowly every day, by dealing with the issues one by one with immense patience. We shouldn’t rush or force ourselves. We need to accept that growth will occur in steps. The transformation won’t happen quickly, but over time, we will notice the changes in ourselves.
Advice for those who are rebuilding from a hurricane reads:
“If you must repair your home, you can use stronger, safer, and more resilient materials. Using resilient materials during home restoration can help protect your home from future disasters.”
I would say that is great advice for the times when we are rebuilding our lives. As we grow and evolve, we are rebuilding ourselves with stronger, safer, and more resilient materials. As a result, we will be better protected from future disasters.
A young man who lost everything due to a divorce offers this advice for anyone who must rebuild their life:
The first thing I would say to anyone starting over is don’t compare your journey to others. You are on your road.
Start with perspective. Start with gratitude. Then start with the excitement, the possibilities of what could be — of having total control. The empowerment, the freedom, the fresh magic of the unknown. Of being able to choose and create yourself. Of being able to design and direct a whole new life.
When I stopped focusing on what I had lost, and instead became aware of what I learned, and what I now have, I suddenly realized that I have an abundance.
Be available for possibilities. Say yes. Go places and do things. Every time you step out your door, there’s a chance of something great happening.
My friends, we weren’t looking for this opportunity to rebuild. We didn’t get to vote on it. But rebuilding our lives is the very best reaction we can have to the storms that sweep through our lives. Starting over, beginning again, rebuilding our lives gives us untold miracles and mercies. Amen.
American psychologist Abraham Maslow best known for developing Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory, wrote these words: “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” —Abraham Maslow
My prayer for all of us is that we will choose growth, and overcome fear, so that each time we rebuild, we will be stronger.
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