In my second grade Sunday school class, we had to memorize and recite Bible verses. The very first verse I ever learned was one about how we are all like sheep —
The verse began, “All we like sheep have gone astray, we have turned every one to his own way…” — Isaiah 53:6 (KJV)
And the rest of the verse is church-scary — containing words like hath and inquity, so I won’t read that part. But we ARE like sheep — in many ways. We do tend to wander off course, from time to time, just like sheep tend to wander away from the fold. That’s why sheep need shepherds — to go get them and bring them back home.
Also, like sheep we tend to take the same well-worn path until we find ourselves in a rut.
One of my favorite books is A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23, written by Philip Keller, who is a modern-day shepherd. Keller tells us that sheep are stubborn, habitual, fearful animals. They follow each other blindly. When sheep are out in the pasture, they always walk in the same path. They step on rocks, in ruts, in puddles, even when there is a clearer path to take. They won’t veer out of their well-worn, comfortable path. They just take the same steps every day, until those steps become ruts, and then the sheep continue to walk in the ruts. Just as we saw in the opening clip where the sheep leapt right back into the rut after being rescued. I mean, that doesn’t sound like anyone I know…..said the woman who reorders the only item she has ever eaten in any restaurant she enters. (BAAAAA)
Being stuck in a rut means that we are spinning our wheels, like a car stuck in mud, or in snow. We can’t get traction. We can’t go forward or backward, or anywhere at all. When our car is stuck in a rut, we realize that spinning our wheels does not get us out. We have to come up with a different plan.
Getting stuck emotionally can happen in the same way. We move through life, following our routines, doing the same things each day. We don’t notice that we are falling into a rut. Soon we feel bored, and life loses its meaning. We lose our motivation, creativity and inspiration. We may fall behind on tasks to do, but we don’t really care.
Perhaps you are stuck in a rut, but you haven’t really noticed it. These feelings build slowly over time. Here are some of the signs that you might be stuck in a rut:
Every day seems the same.
You feel like you’re just trying to get through another day.
You feel unmotivated.
You feel unfulfilled.
You want change, but you fear the temporary discomfort that comes with it.
Now, to get our car out of the rut, we have to take some action — by either shoveling our way out, or by getting four men and a horse to push us out, or by calling a tow truck. Getting out of an emotional rut also requires us to take action.
Before we can take action and get out of the rut, we need to be able to identify the source of the rut. Are we struggling with an intimate relationship, or a job? Are we in a rut because of our health, our friendships, our hobbies, or our home?
Next, we need to consider some of the reasons we stay in a rut. Being stuck in a rut is being stuck in a negative cycle, and in order to move out of the rut, we need to adjust how we think about change.
We persist in doing things that do not bring the results we want for 3 key reasons:
The first is the “Sunk-Cost” Fallacy. This fallacy of thinking tells us that because we have already invested something valuable — time, money or effort, we need to stick around and keep doing the same thing.
This fallacy is why people lose thousands of dollars gambling. “I’ve already spent 400 bucks today, I may as well spend more money to at least make this worthwhile. I will win if I just keep putting some money in the machine.”
Besides, we all know that phrase about the definition of insanity — doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.
Pipe Dreams is the second reason we are stuck. We buy in to escapist thinking — I can stick this out until I run away to Tahiti or until I win the lottery, or until someone knocks on my door and saves me. Something will come along and save me, eventually. I’ll just wait this out.
Intermittent Reinforcement tricks us into thinking this won’t last. We get small positive cues that may signal that things will improve eventually, when in fact, they may not. Fleeting, impermanent solutions keep us stuck.
One of the best things to do when we are trying to get out of a rut is to take care of ourselves. Self-compassion is critical to mental wellness. We need to think about how we are taking care of our physical and emotional needs. I often talk about this, don’t it? Are we eating well, sleeping enough, spending time with people who care about and support us? If we aren’t eating or sleeping well, we won’t have the energy to stay focused and excited about our lives. We need to be excited about our lives, my friends. We need to always have something that we are looking forward to.
Once we are taking care of our physical and emotional needs, we might try to change our routines a bit. We might try to strike up a conversation with someone new, have some fun trying a new hobby, plan to hang out with friends, dare to be spontaneous. Do something that has not been pre-planned. Say yes to new experiences, and don’t be afraid to do the unexpected.
Taking a walk outside is an idea I have suggested for many of the struggles that we face. But it works. Walking outside has a positive impact on the brain. It decreases depression, lowers our stress and increases our creativity while giving us exercise.
It’s easy to fall into a rut when it feels like we are not really working towards anything. Having things to look forward to and a sense of purpose are key factors in motivation. If we plan some social events, we have something to look forward to. If we volunteer to serve other people, we quickly gain a sense of purpose for our lives.
We will do a much better job of getting out of our rut, if we can squash the perfectionist within us. Perfectionism can keep us spinning our wheels for a long time. I will settle down and get married when I find the perfect mate.
Instead, we should try to focus on completing projects and moving forward rather than striving for perfection. We need to let ourselves — and others —make mistakes. We need to embrace our best efforts and move on. That is one of the best ways to get out of the rut and be more productive and creative.
Getting out of the rut might seem impossible, but the key is to take small steps to make small changes. Consider this poem by Portia Nelson, titled, Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters:
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place, but
It isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit.
My eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.
We are not sheep. We are smarter than sheep. We can learn. We can change. We have so much to offer to this world and to each other. Our lives are too valuable for any of us to remain stuck in our ruts. We just need to adjust our thinking and our actions.
Author Emily Maroutian wrote;
You’re not stuck. You’re just committed to certain patterns of behavior because they helped you in the past. Now those behaviors have become more harmful than helpful. The reason why you can’t move forward is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life. Change the formula to get a different result. — Emily Maroutian, author
My prayer is that we will all find the ability to change the formula and get a different result so we can get out of our rut.
Sometimes though, it is the words of encouragement, or the presence of a friend or family member that gives us the courage to climb out of our rut. Like the humans who assist the sheep stuck on his back, or stuck in a ditch, we welcome the assistance of another to help us our of our rut.
Greek Philosopher, Epicurus wrote — “It is not so much our friends’ help that helps us, as the confidence of their help.” — Epicurus
Let’s accept their confidence. We all get by with a little help from our friends, from time to time. And let’s make sure we are willing to offer that confidence when we see any of our people stuck in a rut. Amen.
Author Gary John Bishop wrote these insightful words:
“Whatever you want to accomplish, stop overthinking it. You don’t need to have it all together. You just need to get on with it. You change your life by doing, not by thinking about doing.”
— Gary John Bishop
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